10. “We’re destined to be together. Forever.”
Women don’t like heavy-vibe guys. If you’re going out with a girl you want to get rid of but you don’t want to piss her off, lay this line on her to send her scrambling. Obviously, it’s the sort of line that’s not for guys involved in long-term relationships, as in that case the likely response will be cheers of joy. This is one of the best breakup lines and an instant disintegrator of young relationships. Keep in mind, though, that using this will brand you a pantywaist amongst your girl’s friends and the female community at large. Don’t do it if you’re dating a girl close to home base.
9. “That whole marriage thing is a crock...”
Despicably effective if the subject of marriage has yet to be canvassed, this pearler instantly constructs an Elm Street in the minds of marriage-positive women. They’ll start fretting over forever having to introduce you to friends and family as the “partner” instead of as the husband. Plus, what does this say about your views on family in general? Are kids off the cards? Will you be faithful? Will you be into a range of other left-of-centre stuff, like swinger parties in the kitchen? It’s far more effective than talk of prenuptial agreements.
8. “I just a got a new job… in Baghdad!”
OK, perhaps Baghdad is a bit extreme. Anywhere too far to commute from will suffice. We’ve heard of guys pulling this line out to instigate a breakup, then never actually going away. By the time you meet up with the girl again, you’ll either have thought up a half-decent excuse for why you never left or you’ll be so detached from the situation that you’ll happily tell her she was as sexy as a Bulgarian weightlifter.
7. “Give me a call in a few weeks. Say, six?”
When it comes to breakup lines they don’t get much better than this classic shoehorn technique. This can be used for relationships that range in length from two weeks to three months. What’s important with this one is to do a bit of prep work beforehand, to you hype up the problems you’re having. “Yeah, my kid brother is in a really bad way. He mugged a sweet old lady for some fruit cake last week,” for instance. That way, when you throw the line out there, it won’t seem to be coming from left field.
6. “Let’s face it, we both have more compatible partners out there.”
“Honey, I’ve met someone else,” might be an option if that’s actually the case (if so, you’re either incredibly brave or stupid), but if you haven’t met that other person yet and you want to ditch your current beau to continue the search unabated, the above is one of the most effective breakup lines. For one, it sounds as though you’ve considered both her well-being and your own. Secondly, it leaves her with an optimistic direction in which to head. The common retort, of course, will be “Who is it?” Be ready to calm her down and tell her that you haven’t met anyone specific, but you know enough about each other to know that you’re not the perfect match.
5. “You’re great, but I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.”
Many women live and breathe in the magical, mystical land of “feelings” -- especially when they do the breaking up. Well, if it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. The great thing about feelings is that they are, by nature, somewhat undefinable. If she tries to probe you for specifics, your excuse grants you license to continuously shrug your shoulders and repeat “I don’t know why I feel this way. I just do.”
4. “I’m not at a place in my life where I can give you the attention you deserve.”
Who’s got time for anything these days? If you’re not busting your bollocks with a 60-hour working week, you’re scraping around for crumbs of sleep or a meal that won’t turn you into a human beanbag. Women love -- wait -- need attention. If you’re upfront about not being able to give her what she needs, then while you might seem unorganised, at least it appears you’re not entirely self-centred. Again, this is another one of those breakup lines that will seem a lot more credible if you indulge in some astute pre-dump planning. Seem a touch aloof and standoffish for a week or so before you throw it out there.
3. “So, how do you think we’re doing?”
This is one of those breakup lines for guys well into a relationship. Rather than deliver an all-out dumping that’s less subtle than labour pains, this little lolly uses firm subtext to open up the paddock gate for a seemingly mutual breakup discussion. It’s particularly effective if there have been recent complications and issues you can hang your discontent on. The key is to not back down once you’ve kicked off the conversation. Be vague or be specific with your grievances (depending on what you think will sound tenable), but for your own sake, keep referring to your lack of happiness in an apologetic tone. Give her as many opportunities as possible to be the first to suggest “breaking up.” As soon as she says it, agree.
2. “You know how some guys have a real problem with commitment? I’m ‘some guys’”
This old chestnut has bailed out many a male in the past and will boldly continue to do so through the ages. What’s great about it is that it’s likely to be the truth. Yes, she’ll abhor you and mark you down as another unimpressive member of the gender who can’t lock his sexual drives down to one woman, but at least the excuse won’t require any further explanation. You’re a sodding bloke -- plain and simple.
1. “I’m still in love with my ex.”
There’s no turning back from this bunker buster. Coupled with phrases like “I thought I was over her,” your girl will be pissed off that she was strung along, but will find a touch of solace that she lost out to the all-powerful “L” word rather than some D-cupped street tramp. Be ready to answer the common follow-up questions, like “how long have you felt this way?” with mumbled ambiguity. Be apologetic, act confused, and after it’s over, feel secure in the knowledge she’ll never call you again. The other great thing about this line is that, while your girl will be entirely offended, when the news leaks out to the community at large, it’s nowhere near as damaging as cheating with a one-eyed hooker on a pool table.
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